it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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