It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
