This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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