So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
