hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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