Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
