I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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