It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
