I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
