I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
