Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
