she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
