Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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