She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
