I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
