Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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