The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
