I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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