I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
