oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
