I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
