I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
A bitchslap is in order.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
