My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
