yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
