im drinking this country out of the recession.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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