he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
