i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
