I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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