I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
