just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
