$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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