What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
