My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
