i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
