what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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