I just made out with a guy for $7.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
