I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
