I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
