areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
