I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
