so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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