dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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