I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
