She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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