FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
