i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
