I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I AM VODKA MAN
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
