okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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