I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
