i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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